She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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