i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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