I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
