the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
