then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
