Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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