I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
