I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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