I think I just saw someone hide a body.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
