Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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