he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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