So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
