So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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