Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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