ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
