Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
