Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
do nipples grow back?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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