Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
