You smell like a Billy Joel song
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
