I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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