Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
