I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
