Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
