my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
