Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
