It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
