Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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