I wish I only lived at night.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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