I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
