So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
