I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
