I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
