We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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