So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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