i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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