If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
