Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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