Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
