I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
