Nicole vs. Life
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
