i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You are the jesus of drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
