So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
