Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize