apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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