She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
