So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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