Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
