I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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