Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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