Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
