my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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