we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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