People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
