i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
