Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
