I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
