there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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