I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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