If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
