I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
