my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
