Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
