Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
