please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
