I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
