and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
