They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
