He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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