Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
