hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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