Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
