Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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