Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize