Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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