Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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