I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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