Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
