he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize