Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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