I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
