PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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