I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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