He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
