I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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