You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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