I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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