I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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