people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
