I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
