i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
