Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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