haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
