no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
