I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
