You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize