you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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