Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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