How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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