it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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