Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
