fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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