we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
