the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
