remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
